Tag Archives: Humor

So To Recap: I suck at keeping up with y’all…#mybad

It’s been a full 30 days, I believe since I last wrote on here.

And I owe it to yall to keep y’all in da loop about what has happened in the past 30 days.

The previous post, I was doing a wedding cake.

However. THAT Didnt work.

Now before y’all get all sad and like “AWW WHAT HAPPENED??!!”

It was mutual decision. And No, nobody had any diva demands.

My schedule for the last few months has been what people would call “CRAY CRAY”

Basically, I work 2 jobs and I’m in summer skool (yeah I spell/say it that way)

I pretty much one week can work 40-42 hrs. Crazy right?

And for them, it wouldnt be fair for me to try to work at odd hours of the night, baking/frosting/decorate a wedding cake and it not be up to par.

So I held no grudge. Hell, I even went to the wedding.

It was lovely. Ironically, I left before they cut the cake.

NO, not being bitter. But I was running on 2 hours of sleep the night before working.

I was working the Beyonce/Jay-Z concert. That is another post in itself.

So that’s why, I haven’t been able to keep up w/the posts regularly.

Hopefully, once work slows down a bit in October, I’ll have time to keep y’all updated with stuff.

But the least I could do for y’all is to post a pic of some of the work, I’ve been doing in class.

Now it aint fancy, or what I like. But people seem to like it I guess.

EXPLOSION

 

I call it the EXPLOSION cake…emphasis on EXPLOSION!!!

I’ve learned in my cake class so far this summer is this

FONDANT IS THE DEVIL!!!

Not really. But I rather not work with it, if I don’t have to.

But that’s life. You gotta make due w/stuff,even if ya hate it.

That’s all I got right now.

I’m pretty sure once October rolls around (OCTOBER???!!) things will somewhat slow down.

I’ll try keep y’all posted…keyword TRY

Fun Fact: this post took me a week to write. Not cuz I couldnt think to write anything.

But I forgot to push send….OOPS. #MYB

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The Weddin’ Cake Project…

Well, Well, Well….

I go nearly 30 days w/o as much as a “HI” or a “SUP”

That’s gotta be a new record for me eh??

Well, alot has happened.

Mostly, I’ve been working. And Working. AND WORKING…

Yeah that’s pretty much as what One Direction says “THE STORY OF MY LIFE”

It aint easy juggling 2 jobs at the same time peoples.

Well I was supposed to do some guy’s b-day cake 10 days ago…THAT DIDNT WORK.

No, not the usual, falling out amongst the client and baker.

I hadnt heard from him about the major stuff:

i.e. Where it was?  What time?  How Many people are gonna be there?

Those are important if you makin a 3 tiered b-day cake…

Thus why they charge by the slice at weddings…

Cuz you make as much for how many is assumed will be for the # of guests.

#FUNFACT: I worked last Friday a 14 hr day working both gigs….oofh.

Thank God for Planners/Calendars…

Cuz other wise I’d be SOOOOOOOOOO confused.

Well anyways “THE WEDDIN’ CAKE” Project is as follows.

On July 19th, I’m doing a Wedding that will be about 200 guests…oofh.

This Thursday, I’m doing a Cake Testing w/ 2 Cakes Below

The Wedding Cake Proj

Red Velvet

And Chocolate Cake w/ Cookies & Cream Filling

The Wedding Cake Proj

Those are the cakes in the “CRUMB COAT” stage… obviously…

But needless to say, It’s a pretty big deal attempting to pull this off.

And this will be part 1 of a series…I promise I’ll try to keep this updated next week.

Seriously, next week is the week of the 4th, so thats my vacay week.

HOLY CRAP! WHERE’D JUNE GO???

Anyways, that’s all I got for nows. I gotta finish frosting Zee Cakes!

ZEE CAKES!!!

That’s me tryna be french….

this  boys and girls is a “GO HOME YOUR DRUNK” moment here…

 

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America (Amurrica) Torte and BOY IVE BEEN BUSY! #SHEESH

Welp,

As the Title has eluded to, I HAVE BEEN A BUSY BOY!!!

Well that’s what happens when you got 2 jobs and also you bake specialty cakes on the side.

Oh and there’s skool….i need a drink.

Fortunately I work one in the morning whilst the other one at night. I love the word “whilst” btw….

Only once have I been “double-booked” but I worked at Sur La Table.

That day, I worked a b-day party for a 10 year old girl who wanted Pasta Carbonara for her b-day meal.

I didnt know what “Pasta Carbonara” was until I was 25…

Apparently its shameful to have a party a Discovery Zone w/ Pizza, Cake and Ice Cream at the age of 10 nowadays.

Kids…

Anywho. The Post is America’s Torte. or as some of us refer to it “AMURRICA”

America's Torte

What’s in it, exactly? Coffee. Lots of Coffee.

Well it’s a Flourless Chocolate Spongecake with a Coffee Mousse.

Kinda like Tiramisu, except no booze and THIS IS AMURRICA!!!

Sidebar:Remember how silly the whole “This is America,we speak American” was. Don’t y’all??

I guess it’s called “America’s” Torte cuz we are Coffee addicts…I was once.

Back in 2007 during finals week, I once drank like 4 cups of coffee cuz I had a final late at night and early the next morning.

On top of that, drive back home for the summer.

Lets just say I was WIRREDD!! for like 19 hours. From 6am to 10pm that day, I took my final, dropped off my books and drove 12 hours home.

Lets just say first thing I did I got home was eat and fall asleep by 10 that night.

After that whole ordeal, I knew I had to quit cold turkey…weird I know.

But that coffee was SO GOOD!!!

Apparently Chocolate Syrup in Coffee is like Crack.

Well it’s a good thing I didnt eat this sucker, not that it tasted bad or nothing.

But I woulda prolly turned into a full blown insomniac for about a week.

America's Torte

Also I prolly woulda put on like 5 pounds.

Yeah…

So, I have had this thought that lately, I may/may not have bitten out off more than I could chew.

Pardon the food reference.

But I got A LOT of different opportunity comin up this coming months…and I have moments where I’m like

“HOW IN THE WIDE WIDE WORLD AM I GONNA PULL OFF THIS OFF??”

Well having a Planner helps…

NO I DONT HAVE AN IPHONE CALENDAR. I’m old skool w/the classic skool planner.

Anybody else got one? Don’t you feel special/accomplished with those suckers??

Well, I will elaborate on those “opportunities” next time.

And by “next time” i dont mean in 3 weeks. I promise.

I think I may have this whole juggling two gigs down pact soon. I think….

Oh and apparently this is my 200th post…weird.

 

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The Napoleon….That Dessert everybody does on Chopped

So world,

I’ve been a busy boy….in a good way.

School is nearin the end for the semester…SCHOOLS OUT!!…except I got summer school.

#wompwompwomp

No I didnt fail…I just chose to try and finish up skool faster…

But I got some news. I got a new job and its in Culinary!!

That’s right, yours truly is a Kitchen Assistant at Sur La Table.

What does that mean???

In a nutshell, I’m a TA in a College Professor’s class.

Survived mah first day Tuesday, so HUZZAH!! and HUZZAH! to future more!!!

So back to skool…who’s ready for a vacay? THIS GUY!!!

This semester has been a lesson in learning that “PATIENCE IS KEY” and “COMMUNICATE!!!”

Basically a lot of unnecessary chaos/drama in 6hrs will make you wanna take a drink after while.

My drink of choice? LEMONADE!

So help me, if you ruin a pitcher of lemonade. I will not forgive you for it….

Anyways, Napoleon. (There goes my usual short-attention span, self)

Napoleon

It’s the dessert of choice on CHOPPED. Or PAN PERDU (French Toast)

PORQUE?

Cuz it’s easy to assemble and you can pick and choose what you want to go in it.

Also only having 30 minutes in a dessert round is straight up nuts.

It’s in that realm of “LASAGNA” where you can layer it w/Puff Pastry and Cream.

What exactly is “PUFF PASTRY”?

Basically A lot of Flour and Water and BUTTER! SOO MUCH BUTTER!!!

You fold cold butter into flour and run in it through a sheeter machine cuz otherwise, it’ll take FOOORREEEEVVERRRRR to do it by hand.

And when you put the Puff Pastry in the oven to bake. The BUTTER! has water and the water will turn to steam and cause the layers to rise or “Puff” up and become flaky layers.

Flaky is a weird word….

There ya have it…. SCIENCE!!!!

The Magic School Bus taught me everything I know about Science…#dontjudge

Napoleon

In said “NAPOLEON” there’s Kiwi, Strawberry and a Raspberry on top…

Totes Adorbs right???

Anyways, it’s all layered with Pastry Cream. Which is basically: MILK, Heavy Cream, Egg Yolks, Sugar and Corn Starch.

ET VOILA!! NAPOLEON.

You think it was named after that guy cuz it’s real short?? Who knows.

Anyways, its all I got for nows.

Subscribe/Like/Comment on Stuff..I do read it.  SERIOUSLY. It pops up in my e-mail box.

Til next time….

I’ve ran outta clever sayings….OH WELLS

 

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My attempt at an “EASTER CAKE” y’all!!!

Hey y’all!

Hopefully y’all had a good Easter weekend. And hopefully its warm where y’all are.

And Winter is not still drunk with power.

So as the title says, I made a “EASTER CAKE” y’all!!!

Easter Cake

It was mostly to practice my frosting and my piping skillz…

Those are important in mah field. That’s Cake Decorating btw…

There’s never NOT a reason to make a cake and decorate it….I think

It was basically a Strawberry Cake w/ Vanilla Buttercream. NOTHING CRAZY THIS TIME!!!

But it was good to practice frosting a cake.

I’ve found from being in Pastry Arts is that we get kinda jaded by what we do.

To people outside the Pastry world look at stuff we do and are like:

“WHOA!!!” “HOLY CRAP! THATS AMAZING!!!!”

And we’re kinda like “Meh, it’s okay…”

My friends were like “DANG! That’s looks sooo good!”

And I was like “Eh, I coulda done better”

Easter Cake

But there are times where you have to take a step back and be like “Yo! I did that…”

I guess in a nutshell(ha! food…), its balancing accomplishment and humility.

Dang that sounded deep, no??

Welp, that’s my “Ole-bill’s Words of Wisdom” I should write that down…

Oh Wait.

Anyways, I have decided to try cycling recently. Porque?

I figure every so often to pick up something or “go thru a phase” and try something new.

Last year it was running… a lot. This year its cycling.

Will I try and do a triathlon? HA! No…well. Maybe. Cant exactly rule that out.

We shall see how THAT goes. Hopefully I dont crash on the first day and get a “BOO BOO”

I just wanted to say “BOO BOO” for no reason.

Anyways, thats all I got for this week.

Til next time y’all…

 

 

 

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An Empress Torte and I know “YOU STILL POST???!”

(*Looks at the ground while shuffling feet)

Hey Guys….so whats happening?

Oh you know, when work+ school happens, it gets a bit cray cray….

My bad for not posting nothing for 2 weeks, this day n age, folks attention spans aint what it used to be.

Now I sound Old…

Anyways, so it’s nearing the end of the semester for me…and who’s ready for a Vacay??

THIS GUY!!!!!

A few weeks away and then…SUMMER SCHOOL!!! (whoopie)

Fortunately, I’m only taking 1 class this summer and its 7 hours long each week.

Culinary school makes you jaded by what makes most folks spazz about.

“What’s that?? Recipe calls for 3 pounds of Butter? Okay…”

I will say, something that I’ve learned in school that’s prolly the most valuable:

How to deal with people’s personalities and conflicts….

We are around each other for 6+ hours and sometimes drama happens.

And it don’t matter if you in a Culinary program at the local community college or the C.I.A.

That’s Culinary Institute of America, not that government agency thingy….

Sometimes you’ll have good weeks, and there are weeks where you literally are doing everything solo.

Cuz you group sent a memo that you missed out on that said “HEY Y’ALL, LETS NOT SHOW UP THIS WEEK”…

But how you handle that challenge will more or less in a cliche way will test your character.

#OLEBILLPHILOSOPHY

anywho, that was mah thought for the week. On to the Empress Torte:

Empress Torte

What the heck is it?

Welp, its a Torte that has an Almond Genoise Cake, Lemon Curd Filling, Raspberry Moussiline on the outside, With Strawberry Gelee on top whilst it sits on a Dacquoise.

What’s that? In ENGLISH?? (Btw, remember #SPEAKAMERICAN from the SuperBowl? Hilariously Dumb, am I right??)

  • Almond Genoise Cake= Almond Paste+ Eggs whipped for 20 minutes,w/Cake Flour folded in
  • Lemon Curd= Citrus Custard
  • Raspberry Moussiline= A Mousse with Gelatin added  in it to give it shape.
  • Gelee= A fruit puree with Gelatin added to it.
  • Dacquoise=  Meringue with Almond in it and baked. It’s on the bottom to hold it all together.

And that’s tempered White Chocolate on Top

Empress Torte

Basically, it aint a Cheap Dessert. It’s something a fancy country club would serve or some fancy frou frou place.

Yeah I used “Frou Frou” in a sentence #dontjudgeme.

Welp, that’s all I got for now…

I promise to try n do better. And not go weeks w/o posting something.

Oh btw, the Torte tasted pretty good…

Til next time, WILL SOMEBODY FIND SPRING???!!!

AND LET HER KNOW WINTER’S STILL DRUNK WITH POWER!!!

 

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Return Of The Carrot Cake…and some more thoughts…I’m not Creative Today

So world…

It’s “Spring”…I’ve always what EXACTLY is “Spring”…all I know is 2 types of weather:

There’s the “GOOD LORD It’s Freaking Hot” and “Wow, its Cold out”

How appropriate w/Easter coming up soon that I do a post about Carrot Cake…

Carrot Cake

I just noticed that as I’m typing this, NO i did not plan this at all…

Btw, I’ve always wonder: How do they plan when Easter is on the Calendar..

If you try to explain it to me, try and explain it like you talking to a 5 year old…

Certain things are WAAY over my head.

Anywho, yesterday, I did what I like to call “Hide From The World”

What exactly is that?

Basically I dont make plans to leave the house…its wonderful, y’all should try it sometime.

NOT ALL THE WAY hide from the world though. Though naptime, I turn my phone on silent.

Nothing worse than being awaken from a somewhat nice slumber to somebody calling about a gym membership.

FYI, whoever gave my number out for that, I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN!!!

So, Why do I decide to “Hide From The World?” on occasion?

Basically it’s a good way to rest. We all need to rest every now and then.

I got school, work and weddings on the horizon that if there’s a weekend or a day where I don’t have to do anything…. I say LOOK AT GOD! and take full advantage of it.

Some people wanna be all “OMG I GOTZ TO GET OUT THA HOUSE!!!”

and to that I say “You could, but WHY?”

Not being “Lazy” but somedays you just need to have a day for yo’self…

Cuz if you can’t take care of yourself, how can you take care of anybody else?

Damn, that was deep. I should write that down…oh wait.

Anywho that’s my 2 cents on the matter.

Btw, notice the “carrots” on the cake? AINT THEY TOTES ADORBS!

Carrot Cake

Btw, speaking of obnoxious language, I just figured out there’s a song out called #SELFIE….

yet we killed “The Macarena”…just saying.

Anyway, before I go off on a random tangent (like I aint done that enough)

Feel free to comment/subscribe/and or like this page.

ONLY if you like what you see…I dont wanna peer pressure you into something…

Til next time, I REALLY want Peaches to come back into season.

PEACHES COME BACK!!!!!!!

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The Wedding….That pretty much sums it up.

So, March 16th was the Big Day…

No, I didn’t get married. But I did do my first wedding cake!

WEDDIN CAKE!

That’s the bottom tier, it was a two-tiered cake…

Crazy aint it? Not to get all sentimental, BUT….

If you told me around this time 5 years ago that I would change career paths, pick up baking and go to school and do a wedding cake…

I prolly would’ve said in the words of Jay-Z , “WE DONT BELIVE YOU! YOU NEED MORE PEOPLES!!”

But alas, it has happened, I’ve done my first wedding cake…and I’ve got more coming up.

But first, let’s reminisce about it, shall we?

Where was it? San Antonio. Three Hours trek to do a wedding?

Meh, I’ve done worse, if y’all follow this at all, (NOT JUDGING IF YA DONT) I trekked 12 hours to do a groomscake and the rehearsal dinner dessert.

But it did suck being stuck in traffique (traffic) and missing seeing the bride & groom get married on the River Walk.

Fun Fact: It was my first time in the city of San Antonio…but I didnt get to go on the famed River Walk 😦

Oh well, maybe next wedding….

So what kinda cake was it?

WEDDIN CAKE!!!

Lemon Cake with a Lemon Curd filling and Vanilla Buttercream Frosting.

The blue around it was Marshmallow Fondant that I made from scratch…

HOLLA BACK!!! *mic drop

I seriously wanna do a “mic drop” one day…

Anyway, I have an opportunity that I’m working on now…what is it?

Cant say just yet…mainly cuz I have no idea how it’ll play out. But (fingers crossed) it could be a cool opportunity…my gut feels like it could be.

I gotta say, as much as fun as doing the Wedding was, turning around and going to class 10 hours later, not so much…

#firstworldproblems.

But seriously, thank y’all for the support…

Even though I have no idea who or where y’all are at and viewing this.

But knowing there’s actually  folks out there viewing this and read me blab and post pics of desserts makes it worth while.

Also, y’all make me wanna do my best and present only the best.

And everybody give a resounding “AHHH”

*HUG

Anyway…

So, that’s all I got for today…will I tell y’all what the “Opportunity” is?

Maybe…when I get it all worked out.

You like what y’all see? Comment/Subscribe and/or Like this bad boy…

Till next time… *mic drop

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A Cinnamon Roll and Some Thoughts….HMMM

This post was based on what happened Friday thru Sunday.

Basically, the weekend pretty much sucked. In a nut shell.

So the cinnamon roll seen below…

Cinnamon Roll

Is from my Laminated Dough class. Basically it’s 90% female, and when have some “Queen B” personalities….get the hell out the way.

I’ve watched “Real Housewives”…some chicks are nuts

Anyways, in my group, one of my members has been flaky (no pun intended) with her attendance.

Another table felt that we should report that to our chef teacher aka “throw ___ under the bus”

However I went to speak w/my group member. Turns out she has an illness called “Lupus”.

Basically, it weakens your body to where you get extremely fatigued real quick.

And our teacher knew the whole time, good thing I asked her instead of what the other table “suggested”.

I felt like I had a “Jesus Moment”

NO, not a “I turned Water into Wine” moment.  But rather a “Compassion and Understanding” moment rather than Judging.

I see why people like him, he was ’bout that life.

Being compassionate that is.

I think that shocked her more than anything cuz she didnt want to be bullied or viewed as being lazy….

Amazing how if we just take a minute and ASK how that one person is doing makes a whole world of difference rather than just judging and forming your own opinion of said person.

After that moment, I realized sometimes your gut trumps what other people say. ONLY in certain scenarios though…

Then on Sunday, a friend of mine’s father suddenly passed away.

It’s never easy dealing w/death. Esp. when its a parent. She such a sweetheart and to hear that made my heart drop.

I guess if I learned anything last weekend it was that certain things we make a HUGE fuss about, don’t really matter in the end.

Yeah we could be frustrated having to make SO MANY CROISSANTS…but when you think about it. They’ll still be there,  people wont.

So pick and choose what you wanna “fight over” is what I would suggest.

Cinnamon Rolls

My bad for the somewhat sad yet thought provoking post.

But I felt that this was something was on my nogging and felt COMPELLED to say/write this…

For those curious “Operation: Wedding Cake” is going according to plan.

Day 1: Bake The Cake and Day 2: Dye the Frosting and Make Lemon Curd are in the Books…

Day 3: ASSEMBLE! is tomorrow.

Fun Fact: Its Rodeo Season and I REALLY want something deep fried.

That is all… til next time. Dont worry, I’ll tell y’all all about the cake, even post a pic or two.

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The Return of the Red Velvet Cake…and Spring…maybe.

Oh hey there world…

I know I forgot to say somethin last week. I have no excuse…

It was kinda one of those days where you kinda just say “NAHHHH”

I think we all are entitled to have a day where we just say “NAAHHH” and start over another day.

Speaking of Starting Over, SPRING.  WHERE THE HECK ARE YA???!!!

Saturday, it was in the 70’s down here and it felt WONDERFUL.

Then what happened?? Sunday Night: 30’s… PLEASE COME BACK!!!

#THESTRUGGLEISREAL

That’s my new saying for the year….kinda like w/ FOMO!!

FOMO= Fear Of Missing Out

Anyways, Red Velvet…

Red Velvet

As seen above,  that is from my Cake Decorating Class…not the best design I’ve done.

Dont Judge…I’m workin on it.

I’ve found reason to bake little 6 inch cakes SOLELY to practice my decorating skillz…Crazy.

Shoot. I might even do that on my Spring Break. Which apparently is next week.

Had I’d known, I may have done something for it…CANCUN!!!!

Prolly not, If I went down there for Spring Break, I’d be viewed as a Senior Citizen.

Although that wouldn’t be too bad cuz I’d get decent discounts on stuff.

But alas, I will not be doing any traveling. I shall be working

I’ve got cookies to ship and a Wedding Cake to make on the last day of the holiday.

So I’m gonna need another break from “Spring Break”

Hopefully I wont go stir bat crazy though…that would suck.

Anyways, if there was a “TIP” I would give y’all for the Red Velvet Cake seen below

I was trying to be cute and make it look fancy or from Wal-Mart, whichever….

Red Velvet

It is this: Depending on your recipe, if the cake dont have butter in it.

  • Start by Whipping the Sugar and Eggs together til they get nice and pale and fluffy….then your oil
  • Finally alternate the Dry Ingredients (Flour, Baking Soda) w/ Liquid (Buttermilk)
  • If you try to add all the flour at once to your wet, you run the risk of the batter being tough, I found to be at least. Because you need something liquid to help mix it.
  • Also the less Cocoa Powder, the more RED your RED VELVET will be…

Welp, that’s all I got for now.

I would try to post something about piping. But I’m NOWHERE near that stage yet.

Maybe by the end of the semester.

Anyways, if any of y’all find Spring, tell them that they suck and need to get to work.

Winter’s too drunk w/power.

#MICDROP

 

 

 

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